Rough Edges

Polishing is what our whole life is all about.

“It is inevitable that you should feel the rub of other people's characters against your own. After all, you are not a gold coin that everyone likes.

Besides, without that friction produced by contact with others, how would you ever lose those corners, those edges and projections — the imperfections and defects — of your character, and acquire the smooth and regular finish, the firm flexibility of charity, of perfection?”

So, don’t turn away from people you don’t like or your opposite or those who challenge or contradict you... they’ll smoothen those rough edges of yours!


Ref. The Way (Josemaria Escriva)

Fear Cycle

If you want to love... Don’t get stuck in the fear cycle!

How does one get caught in the cycle?

Obviously, it starts with previous negative experiences which generate more fear, leading a person to inaction in the form of paralysis, procrastination or purposelessness, thereby missing the chance to learn and face future obstacles. Side effects: self-pity, excuses, misused energy, hopelessness.

One moves further into the cycle by not wanting to experience anything that could possibly fail. This inexperience leads to further inability to handle difficult situations in the future. And it goes on and on... The deeper the person falls into fear, the harder it is to break the cycle.

Solution?... Don’t get misled – it’s not to remove the fear.

You can never avoid it... but you can conquer it! “The only way to break the cycle is to face your fear and take action, even though it may seem small or insignificant.”


Ref. Failing Forward (John Maxwell)

High Expectations

Caution: Expectations could stifle the ones who love YOU.

Worse, this could make it hard for them to “spell” YOU – to know each and every letter needed so YOU know they love YOU.

Unpredictability will then characterize YOU.

Yes, they’ll keep trying but they’ll never satisfy YOU...

Reason - Your world is centered on YOU.

Quite dangerous ... Happiness – yours and theirs - is at stake!!!

Red Flag: Anger (Part 2)

(Note: Since the 1st part had the most number of views, far exceeding the rest, I’ve prepared a sequel.)

“Never correct anyone while you are still indignant about a fault committed. Wait until the next day, or even longer. And then, calmly, and with a purer intention, make your reprimand. You will gain more by one friendly word than by a three-hour quarrel. Control your temper.” (The Way, Josemaria Escriva)

Simply put, let it sit.

Wait awhile until passions have subsided ...

And 100% guaranteed... you’ll have a better take on the matter.

More yet, you won’t forego your highly valued peace.

Tough Times

There are times in one’s life that are more challenging than the rest...you feel like you’re going to burst.

And there are also various ways of facing them – escaping is one, blaming is another.

But perhaps, the best course to take is to acknowledge that it is difficult, painful – and more yet, you’re “ironman” no more.

In short, face it.

... and by the way, don’t be ashamed to cry... we’re all humans anyway.

Then, off you go ... find solutions, learn insights, move ahead.

Very soon, you’ll be out of the dark.

All About Sacrifice

“So many times, we call something “sacrifice” when...it’s something we really wanted to do anyway. When we do this, we only fool ourselves. Those we love certainly know the truth. And then we wonder why they’re not impressed with our actions.

... when we love, sacrifice becomes a way of life. That kind of selflessness isn’t found in the large, grandiose, life-changing gestures. Instead, it’s found in the small daily choices. It’s revealed in the times when we put out our own desires aside for someone else. That’s the way we show we really care. And those little selfless moments are the ones that truly bless... “

... might hurt sometimes.

Well, come to think of it, it’s not so hard if you know what love is all about. If you don’t, it’s never too late...

But take note -- Every single day, every minute counts...so don’t wait for tomorrow! Try your best to learn to sacrifice ASAP (as soon as possible).


Ref. Love is a Verb (Gary Chapman)

Don’t Keep Scores

Are you upset that your loved ones give LITTLE credits to your BIG efforts? Or are you disappointed for their lack of responses to these efforts? Then, maybe you’re COUNTING!

“So, how can you avoid being a person who keeps score?

First of all, you must not let the idea of payback come into play at all, whether you are on the giving or receiving end of an expression of friendship. Get out of the “who owes me” way of thinking.

Next, you must recognize and appreciate the ways that people reach out to you; this will help you do the same. You should assume that others are not keeping score either.

If you do something in order to get credit or receive something in return, you are doing it for the wrong reason.

Stop measuring your relationships; relax, be kind, and the world will suddenly seem more generous.”


Ref. The Art of Friendship, Roger and Sally Horchow

Burying the Past?

The past may have brought us negative experiences... yes, some of them could be offenses towards us with a tremendous - or worse, traumatic - impact.

Through the years, we may have forgotten or managed to set them aside. So, we were able to move on...and so we thought...

But have we really settled them? Have we really forgiven? Have we overcome our feelings of hatred, resentment, or sometimes, vengeance? Have we really closed the wounds?

Simply burying bad experiences and repressing emotions do not mean we have made peace... sooner or later, they’re gonna catch up on us...

What to do? Face them and accept they happened...in short, clean the wounds. Remove the dagger. Process things all over again. It could be agonizing... the wounds could become fresh again... it would seem it all happened yesterday. The pain comes back.

But it’s the only way for wounds to heal... by removing the splinters that were buried through time.

To forgive is the next step...to give up negative thoughts. Forgiving is an act of the will... it’s a choice!

If you choose what is right...you’ll see what great relief you’ll have. You’ll remember hurts as forgiven. No longer will you carry such emotional baggage...happiness follows.

You’re not a Super Hero

In Economics, a most sought after assumption is: “ceteris paribus” – keeping all other things constant. This, many equations are solved.

In real life, however, we can’t keep such an assumption. Many things come into play... and some of them - let’s face it - are beyond us.

We don’t have magic powers. That’s the truth! We can only extend ourselves to the best that we can.

Here’s more...

“Many of us are created to want to solve problems or “fix” everything for those we love. And when we can’t, we become frustrated and impatient... Love doesn’t require that we always have all the answers. Instead, many times love just asks that we listen to the problem, that we try to understand, and that we express our condolences, sympathy, or love.

Sometimes love means just being there for the person we care about – trying to feel what that one is experiencing emotionally, listening and learning her perspective until we start to understand and feel compassion... Love often means simply “living in the moment” with another person.”

Ref. Love is a Verb (Gary Chapman)

Losers No More

“What others say shall command an attentive hearing, and what you say shall be taken no notice of. Others shall make a request and obtain it; you shall ask for something and meet a refusal. Others shall be magnified in the mouths of men, and on you no one shall bestow a word. Such and such an office will be conferred on others, but you shall be passed by as unfit for anything. With such trials...nature, indeed, will at times not like it; but you will derive immense profit thereby, if you support all in silence.” (Thomas á Kempis)

This may not always be the case... but when you find yourself in such situation, be thankful...Learn to ponder.

You might think, “I don’t deserve it.” And I say, “Really?” Think some more...

Many times, pride gets the better of you. But HUMILITY’s a better choice.

When you lose your “rights,” you win THE RIGHT...

Who are you, by the way? In the universe, you’re just a speck of dust. – Whew! That’s quite strong. But it’s the truth... and nothing but the truth (just to stress the point).

So when someone wounds your pride, say “Thank goodness” ... then you're declared THE WINNER.

Red Flag: Anger

“Anyone can be angry. That is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way – that is not easy.”

Know when to step on the breaks – otherwise, you’ll bump the car.

Result: dent, wreckage or death (You know what I mean, right?)

Conclusion: “Don’t let anger get out of control. It can wreck relationships and ruin lives.”


Ref. The Ten Commandments of Common Sense (Commandment No. 5), Hal Urban

Differences... Flexibility

“Don’t lock yourself up and throw away the key. Don’t be so rigid that you can’t change your plans. Be willing to change, to adapt. Be willing to switch direction and strike out on a new path if you want to. Or if, like me, you have to.” (Maria Schriver, And One More Thing Before You Go)

Differences -- Each of us is unique. Each one has her own take on a subject ... We all grew up in distinct environments, studied in different schools. We have our own ... preferences, habits, styles of communicating, ways of dressing ... and the list goes on and on... but in short, our own personality.

Conclusion: Don’t expect people to be like you!

Flexibility is the word. Know when to insist or give in... You can’t always be the boss! Do so and in no time, you’ll lose everybody.

Learn to adjust and understand people’s limitations and weaknesses. But before that, understand yours first...

And one more thing... Unbolt!

1-2-3-4 Words

1 word : “Sorry.”
2 words: “Thank you.”
3 words: “I love you.”
4 words: “I care for you.”


Sounds cheesy and mushy, right?

Easier thought than said... and easier said than done (or perhaps, lived is a better term).

Don’t take them for granted! Many relationships ended and didn’t last because these words were forgotten.

Take courage ... because saying them... – and here’s the key word – SINCERELY, is a sure way to deepen bonds of love and friendship.

Try it...

For Better or For Better

“When everybody is doing right the first time, the inevitable happens: nobody complains about anything or anyone anymore... expressing satisfaction with their silence. Everybody is then lulled to complacency and begins to be content with the status quo, the way things are and will be. Nobody wants to rock the boat or make waves. The time is then ripe for the next stage ... kaizen.”

“Kaizen is the process of non-stop improvement of everything we do. It is a Japanese term consisting of two characters: kai meaning change and zen meaning good, thus together meaning improvement. The kaizen battle cry is ‘there is always a better way’. With kaizen everybody keeps finding better and much better ways...If something is done right, there must be a way of doing it better... It begins when we improve the right thing and make it better and better... It is a process that starts but never stops.”

These may be small baby steps but always towards the upward direction. The idea is not to remain in a standstill... this will not be forever. At some point, either one goes uphill or downhill.

In our dealings with our loved ones, think -- There’s always a better way to love them. Keep trying...


Ref. Quality Means Survival (Rene Domingo)

Listening and Speaking

“Listening and speaking are the foundations of communication.”

Sharing ideas, feelings, and resources are all achieved via communication. No relationship is ever formed and sustained without communication. When it breaks down, misunderstandings and disagreements could immediately follow.

When listening, take note of bias. It could be a problem “when it seriously distorts an individual’s understanding.” Some bias indicators: extreme negative or positive reaction to people or events, paying little or no attention to undesired parts of a conversation, assuming one has understood what is being said even before the speaker ends his piece.

All senses have to be used simultaneously when listening. If there are ambiguous gestures, it would be good to ask before interpreting visual signals... thus, avoiding misunderstanding.

Understanding is also improved by paying attention to the sound and tone of a speaker’s voice. At times, there could be hidden messages that could be captured with careful listening – that is, when a speaker’s tone of voice does not match the actual spoken message, the listener could ask for a clarification which, however, requires tact but contributes to improved understanding.

Speaking. From the littlest social exchange to the most challenging business communication, speaking requires a well-ordered and logical presentation of thoughts. One technique is headlining – stating the point so listeners don’t end up asking “What’s your point?”

Another is pacing – the ability to stop talking and encourage listeners to comment to foster exchange. Some speakers tend to think that their turn is finished only when they have expressed all their ideas... quite exhausting for the listener.

Summarizing is another tool, albeit not always necessary for daily conversation. It helps ensure mutual understanding – that the things discussed are understood in the same sense by both parties.

Good luck! Hopefully, we could all be better listeners and speakers.


Ref. Successful Leadership (Carol O’Connor)

Sensitivity and Sensibility

“They talk animatedly for a long time without realizing they are becoming unbearable or that the other person is in a hurry and has been signalling – for the last ten minutes - to end the conversation or showing discreet signs that he is not interested in the topic...

Or they can say words they deem friendly, cordial and constructive... they don’t realize that due to the situation of the moment, they only manage to hurt the other person...

Or they interrupt the conversation, change the topic indiscriminately, make inopportune jokes or reveal confidences that disconcert others...

They desire to lift a person’s spirit through consoling, but what they say and how they say it produce the opposite effect...

They talk in an imperious or domineering tone to show that they are being determined and energetic persons. They don’t realize that every time they act in this way, they only alienate the others more.”

... Not out of ill will but probably due to lack of sensitivity to the feelings of others.

Affective messages to and from others are most often expressed not in a verbal way... but in non-verbal ways – say, gestures, facial expression, hand motions, tone of voice, posture, or even silence.

Hence, one has to develop the capacity to catch these messages before the fact and not after... Read between the lines...

When a person realizes that he/she usually recognizes the messages after the fact, the bottom line is ... Develop More Empathy. For this, one needs to use all her senses.

“The more we are capable to catch non-verbal messages, the more sociable we become. We will have facility for friendship" and love and concern for others.

Sensitivity to others’ feelings “is fundamental for a stable marriage, for educating children, for working in a team, for exercising authority, for having friends... in the end, for almost everything.”

Here’s the good news -- We can always learn and improve. We can be better.

(Note: This topic does not apply to rash judgment which is a totally different matter.)


Ref. Educating Emotions (Alfonso Aguilo)

Failing Forward

This is the title of a book written by John Maxwell – a very insightful book (I give it 5 stars). One part of the book is entitled “When Failure Gets You by the Heart.”

An easy trap – to personalize failure, that is, to simply think and accept that committing a failure makes you a failure. These are two distinct concepts. Understandably, failure can be very painful. Sometimes, it could drain you physically and emotionally. But still, it doesn’t make YOU a failure.

Fail Forward!

Small is Big

“LOVE, like rain, can nourish from above, drenching couples with a soaking joy. But sometimes, under the angry heat of life, love dries on the surface and must nourish from below, tending to its roots, keeping itself alive.” (Mitch Albom, The Five People You Meet in Heaven)

Don’t get lost in the hustle and bustle of life. Sometimes, we’re too busy with our own stuff – most are actually very licit and good but they take up our entire energy... leaving nothing (or very little) for those who should matter the most.

With the passage of time (for some, it’s all about climbing the corporate ladder) ... we could simply be aiming for big things, forgetting the value of the little ones.

But small details show how much we truly love ... it's how affection is warmly felt. Give it attention ... because our loved ones do. It’s one sure way to keep love burning. The moment we start missing out on these little details, very soon love starts to be cold. And before we know it, even the embers have disappeared.

As the Hershey’s ad goes, “big things come in small packages.”

Needless to Forgive

“That friend of ours with no false humility used to say: ‘I haven’t needed to forgive, because the Lord has taught me how to love’... To forgive with one’s whole heart and with no trace of grudge will always be a wonderfully fruitful disposition to have.”(Furrow, Josemaria Escriva)

Learn to forgive... it will save you a lot of aches and pains. It will allow you to sleep tightly at night. Peace is the consequence of forgiveness.

Forgive yourself, forgive others. Sounds easier than done. But, it's the most logical option.

Why keep a grudge? Why let yourself and others suffer? Why be obsessed at something that cannot be undone? Past is past. You cannot bring it back ... you can only learn from it.

Move on... This is the best path to take ... it will bring you happiness. The other path will only make you sad and miserable. You don’t want that – do you? Of course not, nobody wants to be sad.

Above all, learn to love ... this way, you don’t need to forgive ... because love will fill your heart, giving it no space for even the slightest grudge.

"Specifics" Listing

A friend of mine posed this question to me: What does LOVE bring with it? Simply put, “What does LOVE entail?”

So I thought: I should break it down to SPECIFICS; otherwise, it’s a ”floating love” – simply an idea, not seen in deeds and kept to oneself ...

Here goes my list:

1. Caring
2. Serving
3. Teaching
4. Forgetting oneself
5. Lifting spirits
6. Accompanying
7. Helping to grow
8. Communicating
9. Listening
10. Trusting
11. Sharing
12. Being refined
13. Being supportive
14. Understanding defects
15. Forgoing preferences
16. Not being possessive
17. Correcting
18. Praying
19. Showing the way
20. Thinking
21. Knowing
22. Enkindling
23. Being humble
24. Not abandoning
25. Not dictating
26. Being there in trials
27. Showing affection
28. Sacrificing
29. Enjoying
30. Persevering

Whew! What a list!

Don't worry... very soon, with time and practice, it will all be part of you.

You might even add more to the list ...