Christmas

The central business district is where I live.

It's full of lights in the buildings and in the streets.

There are a lot of people in the malls and a lot of traffic on the road.

It’s so easy to be lost – so much gatherings and gifts in store.

Makes me think... what is this season for?

Stay in focus -- God’s giving us the best gift of all.

So, find some quiet time and pause...

Friendship

A friend of mine recently gave me a poster which says:

“If friends were flowers, I’d pick you.

You are special just because you’re you

Friends forever, you and me.”

It all starts in one meet...followed by another...and another...

Then, a bond is forged. Joys and sorrows are shared.

No man is an island, they say. And indeed, it is so.

Life’s not complete without great friends.

Caring for the Sick

The sick are our treasures.

Time is demanded, yes...
But these are opportunities to give ourselves
...and to grow in charity and love.

We help them... and they help us.
It's a two-way thing!

Passion for Learning

(I just finished a diploma course at the Ateneo de Manila University - hats off to their Graduate School of Business-Center for Continuing Education - and took note of the Jesuit Magis.)

"Be more, so you can achieve more;
learn more, you can serve more."

Things to learn? Lots!

'Til where? Far!

But one's gotta figure out which one and what for ...

That'll keep you whole and in place.

Leadership

Here's a good school...

"Leading is the process of influencing people toward achieving an objective."

Key elements?

1. Motivating - energizing people to overcome major obstacles toward achieving a vision

2. Communicating - providing direction and alignment, generating understanding about the direction

3. Aligning People - getting a relevant group of people to share a common understanding of a vision

...So much different from positional leadership, the old school.

Leading based on rank - 'tis the lowest level of leadership. At best, you get compliance but nothing more!


(Got this from a lecture on Leadership and Managing Change by Jet Magsaysay.)

Ref. A Force for Change (John Kotter)

Control

From Dag Hammarskjöld, Markings:

"For all that has been: Thanks!

For all that shall be: Yes!"

Key assumption: great capacity to adjust ...'coz things don't always go as planned.

Gotta learn to "swing and dance."

Impact

"Tuesdays with Morrie" is one of my favorite books.

It's about a professor who, in his sundown, was able to teach important life lessons to his student, the author Mitch Albom, in their Tuesday meets.

For sure, there's also someone in school or at work, who made such an impact on you.

One who led you to launch, to face challenges, to go beyond what you think you can do.

I've figured out my Morrie and to him, I say, "Thank you."

Try naming your Morrie, too...


Note: This article is dedicated to Dr. Cayetano W. Paderanga who put me as part of the founding team, as Research Director, of the Institute for Development and Econometric Analysis, Inc. (IDEA).

Complains

Number of reasons to complain? Thousands.

Number of reasons to be grateful? Exactly the same as above.

How you face "negatives" will define your answers.

But I've got a suggestion...

Try changing your options. Pick from the following instead:

1. To give up complaining
2. To rise up to the challenge
3. To be cheerful and optimistic

Direction

Mision --- the statement of purpose and uniqueness.

Vision --- the future state, long-term direction, what you want to become.

Objectives --- the statement of goals and what you are commited to achieve (concrete, measurable, time-bound).

Strategy comes next.

What actions will you take NOW to reach your long-term objectives and make your mission-vision real?

All these apply to yourself, your family, your team, your company, etc ...

We all need DIRECTION.


Ref. Strategic Thinking in the Global Environment (Jet Magsaysay, Ateneo GSB-CCE)

Strategic Thinking

Three sets of complementary skills:

1. Thinking systemically. Seeing the "big piture". Having the "vision of the whole."

2. Thinking critically. Being objective. Challenging assumptions and perceiving trends.

3. Thinking strategically. Contributing to the mission-vision.
Positioning and making choices. Thinking with focus on the future.


Ref. Strategic Thinking in the Global Environment, Ateneo GSB CCE (Jet Magsaysay)

Wide Range

You...Family...Community...Society...Nation...

The more you reach the end of this continuum, the more you become a leader, says a facilitator on leadership.

But, of course, you’ve got to start with the nucleus - You.

A good headstart: unleash your potentials, accept your limits, and understand yourself.

Then, do the same in the next level... and the next... and the next...

Patience

"Whatever happens to you, accept it, and in the uncertainties of your humble state,
be patient, since gold is tested with fire." (Sirach 2:4-5)

Struggles? Endure them. They're are always fruitful.

Yes, results may take time in coming...

But keep going ... Nothing's ever lost!

"He who labors in vain says: 'I have lost so much labor' because the results from his labor are disappointing.

...It does not mean that labor remains forever, but that it was not expended in vain."


Ref. Patience: The Path to Victory (Charles Belmonte)

Habits

They say it takes twenty one days to form a habit.

Great! That means we can acquire lots of good habits... of course, you've got to want it.

In some cases, maybe it's more than 21.

But the point is, it's never too late to be better.

So then ...in the next 21 days or so, what habit are you gonna work on?

Try this exercise... believe me, it works.

Proactive

Einstein: "To do nothing and expect change is insanity.”

You've got to take initiatives if you want things to be better.

All of one's might and talents serve this purpose.

You can't just wait for things to happen...expecting change after sleeping it off.

There are times you need to go against the flow... for not everything comes the easy way.

You don't achieve anything by curling up. Be proactive!

Destiny

(Since we just finished Halloween, I find it timely to tackle the topic.)

Travelers, wayfarers... all are we.

Difficulties, trials ... accept, endure, love them.

Carry on until the end of the journey...your eternal destiny.

This life's only temporary...a prelude to the next - that which is forever.

If you're happy here, most probably you'll be happy there as well.

There, happiness is for always. All sufferings will cease to be.

Want to get there? It depends on how you live in this world.

Nobody goes there unprepared.

Be Happy

A cousin of mine sent me a text message which goes:

"Happiness is something you decide ahead of its time...

It's a decision we make every morning when we wake up.

Yes, we have a choice to spend the day fussing over things we cannot control,
be unhappy and look wasted...

or welcome the new day with renewed enthusiasm
and focus on all happy memories still to come in your life..."

That sounds interesting... makes a lot of sense.

Optimism is something we can always choose to have... the same goes for pessimism.

It all happens in the "inside." Work it out!

Sideway Glances

"Whoever thinks of himself first, of his own interests, his own honor and glory, his own satisfaction, the fulfillment of his own egotistical plans and intentions, must keep casting sideways glances all around him; he cannot develop the "single eye." What will other people say? How will the matter end?"

Doing things to please everyone, to catch attention, to be held high by people puts you out of focus.

Right intention - do things because you KNOW it is good to do them and you BELIEVE so.


Ref.: In Silence with God, Benedict Baur

White Flag

Accept peace offerings.

Think: The other party has already acknowledged her faults. She is offering some sweets to remove whatever may seem to have left a bitter aftertaste.

Fix your attention on that, not on the hurt.

Give the other person a second chance.

Time to move ahead... Don't you want to remove those "dark clouds" in your head?

Take a Break

Working hard? Want to work harder?

Then, you need to rest, unwind and relax.

It’s time for some fresh air...

Your body’s asking for a respite – don’t deny it!

Have a little change of activity. A bit of distance from your usual concerns would be fine.

It’s essential – to overhaul the machine so it could work faster and better.

Know and Accept

Each of us has strengths and weaknesses, which, hopefully, we’ll discover and understand with the passage of years.

It’s important to recognize what we can change and what we cannot.

If we realize we’re unhappy with something about ourselves that we can’t alter, we’ll have to accept (but please don’t fall into dejection) and learn to handle it better.

But, for those which we can change, then let’s start working on them today.

Clean Slate

“Tomorrow is always a new day with no mistakes in it yet,” says Ann of Greengables.

We could always start all over again.

If today’s a bad day, don’t let it spill over the next day.

Set off anew... and move on.

Each day is a clean slate – another chance given to you.

Grab it!

Target Balance

Want to improve your self-esteem?

Try new things – that’s one track.

Get in touch with talents you may have hidden all these years.

Aim for balance – it’s important!

Say, if you think you’re left-brained, experiment on activities that will develop the right side, and vice-versa.

It’s good to have hobbies as well – and take pride in the new skills you develop.

Where to find time?

As in anyone’s experience, if you’re convinced of something, you’ll manage to sneak a little bit of time.

Project Change

In a conference, I heard Tony Blair say, “What is forgivable is to fail; what is not forgivable is not to try.”

He explained: “You don’t always succeed... Resistance is there.”

You may think you have a bright idea but for others, it’s not bright at all.

When introducing change, not everyone’s going to be on your side.

There could be rejections.

On sunny days though, you may receive suggestions or even commendations.

One day you fail; another day, you succeed.

Each situation is different. So, do keep trying so you learn to manage change.

Be open... Rectify if you must.

Adversity Quotient

“Always remember that no matter how difficult a problem is or how insurmountable it seems... a problem is only a problem if you think you can’t solve it,” says a professor on Problem Solving and Decision Making.

Raise your Adversity Quotient!

Don’t be “onion skinned” – paralyzed with a little scratch.

Let adversities strengthen you...

That depends on how you face them.

Turn problems into opportunities ... make the most out of it!

Full Stop

I heard somebody say, “Don’t give up. It’s not wise.”

... even if difficulties seem to envelope you.

You may feel like you’re at the end of the road – a dead end, at times.

But it’s always possible to make a turn and go back to the right path.

Keep driving... Gas up, if you need to.

On its own, the car wouldn’t make a full stop unless the driver brings it to a halt!

Seek to Understand

Don’t be quick to judge!

In others, you may find defects but you’ll never really see what’s inside (even the magic crystal ball can’t do that!).

You, too, are not perfect after all. So, suspend your judgment and try first to understand...

“And in the practice of compassion we discover, perhaps, with some surprise, that charitableness is so much more fun than harsh judgment and criticism.

In faultfinding and vindictive criticism, there is venom that corrodes and destroys the heart of the one who sits in judgment on his fellows.

In compassion, there is constructiveness, a creativity that brings a sense of achievement to the understanding soul – almost a feeling of exhilaration.

Because of our compassion, we are happier persons...”


Ref. Seventeen Steps to Heaven (Leo Trese)

Fly High

“Don’t flutter about like a hen, when you can soar to the heights of an eagle.” (The Way, Josemaria Escriva)

If others can do it, why can’t you?

Take courage...aspire to be far above the ground (of course, not too far as reaching the sun to burn you up).

By taking small and sometimes, big steps, you’ll get to your aim.

Obstacles may come but be patient...at the right time, in the right place, you’ll conquer them.

Then, with greater force, more prudence, and better tactics, you’ll do better in the battle front.

Avoid negative thinking... otherwise, you’re proclaimed as defeated even before the war starts.

Be bold...to believe is to see!

Abandonment

"Jesus, take the wheel. Take it from my hands 'coz I can't do this on my own. I'm letting go..."

These lines are taken from a song which unexpectedly entered my mobile phone via bluetooth.

Well, I guess it's meant for me, for us.

When we're no longer sure of ourselves, after having done everything humanly possible, then it's the hour of abandonment.

If things still turn out not as we had expected them to be; then, maybe they're good for us.

We just have to trust...

Pace Yourself

Take things one day at a time...as you leaf through a book from one page to the next.

If you try to solve everything today... most likely, you’ll be overwhelmed.

And before you know it, your “haywired” imagination would have eaten you up.

Don’t be overanxious about tomorrow... wait for each subject to take its turn.

Pace yourself and avoid getting burned out!

De-clutter

Spend a minute to take a view of your cabinet...

Overflowing with stuff? Lacking space to fit in all your effects?

If so, it’s time to sort things out one by one – this one, I still need; that other one, I don’t...

As soon as you’re done, there’ll be “magic” in your life.

It’ll be simpler, easier, and HAPPIER.

(Actually, it’s not “magic.” It’s just the natural consequence of de-cluttering. Most of the time, the state of our life is reflected in the amount of things we hold on to – some may be indispensable but most may not be truly necessary. If we’ve got too much stuff, it’s time to de-clutter – your brain, too - before your entire cabinet falls on you! Take a hold of your life and don’t allow yourself to be enslaved!)

Time and Space

Relationships are never perfect... there are usually bumps.

When such times come, you may be quick to forgive and forget...but you can’t expect and force the other to be as swift as you are.

If the person’s not ready... give him/her time and space...

Take the chance to reflect – it’s an indispensable step! You, as well, ought to own up mistakes.

When you’re both ready, face each other to iron things out. And you’ll see ... what better results you’ll have.

Not Just Feelings

Love is not a matter of feelings – although feelings facilitate loving, nonetheless. But feelings come and go. Neither is love a matter of the intellect. Ideas should not be detached from emotions, leaving the idea bland and emotionally flat. Love knows how to strike the balance.

Love is kept burning from beginning until the end – consistently, persistently. Of course, there may be “dark nights.” But it doesn’t mean love is gone. It simply means that one finds oneself in extraordinary moments when love is tested and proven to be true.

Smile

I just received this e-mail and found it interesting:

"The most thoroughly wasted of all days is that on which one has not laughed."

Enjoy each day!

By tomorrow, it’s already yesterday.

How to make each day meaningful?

Smile, laugh... and make others do the same.

That’s a clear indicator that you’ve spent the day well.

Set Free

Our stay in this world is not forever. That’s 101% sure!

Nobody escapes this reality... no riches can extend it if it’s really time to go.

Many don’t even want to think about it – “It’s morbid,” said a classmate of mine.

But whether we like it or not, we’ll have face it at one point in our lives.

Ergo, if you’re too immersed in your own world right now, kindly step back a little and look at your life from an outsider’s perspective... Where are you heading?

Understand that “all passes away in this life, whether it be joy or sorrow; but in eternity nothing passes away...We must leave all to gain all... He that desires nothing in this world is master of the whole world.” (Alphonsus de Ligouri)

Detachment is the name of the game.

Trust

Trust is given; trust is gained.
It cements all relationships.

It’s not forced overnight.
Days have to be counted.

Give yourself and you’ll learn it.
Once there, it is nurtured.

Yes, it could be broken.
But it could also be repaired.

The more you trust, the more you love.
And the more you love, the more you trust.

Rough Edges

Polishing is what our whole life is all about.

“It is inevitable that you should feel the rub of other people's characters against your own. After all, you are not a gold coin that everyone likes.

Besides, without that friction produced by contact with others, how would you ever lose those corners, those edges and projections — the imperfections and defects — of your character, and acquire the smooth and regular finish, the firm flexibility of charity, of perfection?”

So, don’t turn away from people you don’t like or your opposite or those who challenge or contradict you... they’ll smoothen those rough edges of yours!


Ref. The Way (Josemaria Escriva)

Fear Cycle

If you want to love... Don’t get stuck in the fear cycle!

How does one get caught in the cycle?

Obviously, it starts with previous negative experiences which generate more fear, leading a person to inaction in the form of paralysis, procrastination or purposelessness, thereby missing the chance to learn and face future obstacles. Side effects: self-pity, excuses, misused energy, hopelessness.

One moves further into the cycle by not wanting to experience anything that could possibly fail. This inexperience leads to further inability to handle difficult situations in the future. And it goes on and on... The deeper the person falls into fear, the harder it is to break the cycle.

Solution?... Don’t get misled – it’s not to remove the fear.

You can never avoid it... but you can conquer it! “The only way to break the cycle is to face your fear and take action, even though it may seem small or insignificant.”


Ref. Failing Forward (John Maxwell)

High Expectations

Caution: Expectations could stifle the ones who love YOU.

Worse, this could make it hard for them to “spell” YOU – to know each and every letter needed so YOU know they love YOU.

Unpredictability will then characterize YOU.

Yes, they’ll keep trying but they’ll never satisfy YOU...

Reason - Your world is centered on YOU.

Quite dangerous ... Happiness – yours and theirs - is at stake!!!

Red Flag: Anger (Part 2)

(Note: Since the 1st part had the most number of views, far exceeding the rest, I’ve prepared a sequel.)

“Never correct anyone while you are still indignant about a fault committed. Wait until the next day, or even longer. And then, calmly, and with a purer intention, make your reprimand. You will gain more by one friendly word than by a three-hour quarrel. Control your temper.” (The Way, Josemaria Escriva)

Simply put, let it sit.

Wait awhile until passions have subsided ...

And 100% guaranteed... you’ll have a better take on the matter.

More yet, you won’t forego your highly valued peace.

Tough Times

There are times in one’s life that are more challenging than the rest...you feel like you’re going to burst.

And there are also various ways of facing them – escaping is one, blaming is another.

But perhaps, the best course to take is to acknowledge that it is difficult, painful – and more yet, you’re “ironman” no more.

In short, face it.

... and by the way, don’t be ashamed to cry... we’re all humans anyway.

Then, off you go ... find solutions, learn insights, move ahead.

Very soon, you’ll be out of the dark.

All About Sacrifice

“So many times, we call something “sacrifice” when...it’s something we really wanted to do anyway. When we do this, we only fool ourselves. Those we love certainly know the truth. And then we wonder why they’re not impressed with our actions.

... when we love, sacrifice becomes a way of life. That kind of selflessness isn’t found in the large, grandiose, life-changing gestures. Instead, it’s found in the small daily choices. It’s revealed in the times when we put out our own desires aside for someone else. That’s the way we show we really care. And those little selfless moments are the ones that truly bless... “

... might hurt sometimes.

Well, come to think of it, it’s not so hard if you know what love is all about. If you don’t, it’s never too late...

But take note -- Every single day, every minute counts...so don’t wait for tomorrow! Try your best to learn to sacrifice ASAP (as soon as possible).


Ref. Love is a Verb (Gary Chapman)

Don’t Keep Scores

Are you upset that your loved ones give LITTLE credits to your BIG efforts? Or are you disappointed for their lack of responses to these efforts? Then, maybe you’re COUNTING!

“So, how can you avoid being a person who keeps score?

First of all, you must not let the idea of payback come into play at all, whether you are on the giving or receiving end of an expression of friendship. Get out of the “who owes me” way of thinking.

Next, you must recognize and appreciate the ways that people reach out to you; this will help you do the same. You should assume that others are not keeping score either.

If you do something in order to get credit or receive something in return, you are doing it for the wrong reason.

Stop measuring your relationships; relax, be kind, and the world will suddenly seem more generous.”


Ref. The Art of Friendship, Roger and Sally Horchow

Burying the Past?

The past may have brought us negative experiences... yes, some of them could be offenses towards us with a tremendous - or worse, traumatic - impact.

Through the years, we may have forgotten or managed to set them aside. So, we were able to move on...and so we thought...

But have we really settled them? Have we really forgiven? Have we overcome our feelings of hatred, resentment, or sometimes, vengeance? Have we really closed the wounds?

Simply burying bad experiences and repressing emotions do not mean we have made peace... sooner or later, they’re gonna catch up on us...

What to do? Face them and accept they happened...in short, clean the wounds. Remove the dagger. Process things all over again. It could be agonizing... the wounds could become fresh again... it would seem it all happened yesterday. The pain comes back.

But it’s the only way for wounds to heal... by removing the splinters that were buried through time.

To forgive is the next step...to give up negative thoughts. Forgiving is an act of the will... it’s a choice!

If you choose what is right...you’ll see what great relief you’ll have. You’ll remember hurts as forgiven. No longer will you carry such emotional baggage...happiness follows.

You’re not a Super Hero

In Economics, a most sought after assumption is: “ceteris paribus” – keeping all other things constant. This, many equations are solved.

In real life, however, we can’t keep such an assumption. Many things come into play... and some of them - let’s face it - are beyond us.

We don’t have magic powers. That’s the truth! We can only extend ourselves to the best that we can.

Here’s more...

“Many of us are created to want to solve problems or “fix” everything for those we love. And when we can’t, we become frustrated and impatient... Love doesn’t require that we always have all the answers. Instead, many times love just asks that we listen to the problem, that we try to understand, and that we express our condolences, sympathy, or love.

Sometimes love means just being there for the person we care about – trying to feel what that one is experiencing emotionally, listening and learning her perspective until we start to understand and feel compassion... Love often means simply “living in the moment” with another person.”

Ref. Love is a Verb (Gary Chapman)

Losers No More

“What others say shall command an attentive hearing, and what you say shall be taken no notice of. Others shall make a request and obtain it; you shall ask for something and meet a refusal. Others shall be magnified in the mouths of men, and on you no one shall bestow a word. Such and such an office will be conferred on others, but you shall be passed by as unfit for anything. With such trials...nature, indeed, will at times not like it; but you will derive immense profit thereby, if you support all in silence.” (Thomas á Kempis)

This may not always be the case... but when you find yourself in such situation, be thankful...Learn to ponder.

You might think, “I don’t deserve it.” And I say, “Really?” Think some more...

Many times, pride gets the better of you. But HUMILITY’s a better choice.

When you lose your “rights,” you win THE RIGHT...

Who are you, by the way? In the universe, you’re just a speck of dust. – Whew! That’s quite strong. But it’s the truth... and nothing but the truth (just to stress the point).

So when someone wounds your pride, say “Thank goodness” ... then you're declared THE WINNER.

Red Flag: Anger

“Anyone can be angry. That is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way – that is not easy.”

Know when to step on the breaks – otherwise, you’ll bump the car.

Result: dent, wreckage or death (You know what I mean, right?)

Conclusion: “Don’t let anger get out of control. It can wreck relationships and ruin lives.”


Ref. The Ten Commandments of Common Sense (Commandment No. 5), Hal Urban

Differences... Flexibility

“Don’t lock yourself up and throw away the key. Don’t be so rigid that you can’t change your plans. Be willing to change, to adapt. Be willing to switch direction and strike out on a new path if you want to. Or if, like me, you have to.” (Maria Schriver, And One More Thing Before You Go)

Differences -- Each of us is unique. Each one has her own take on a subject ... We all grew up in distinct environments, studied in different schools. We have our own ... preferences, habits, styles of communicating, ways of dressing ... and the list goes on and on... but in short, our own personality.

Conclusion: Don’t expect people to be like you!

Flexibility is the word. Know when to insist or give in... You can’t always be the boss! Do so and in no time, you’ll lose everybody.

Learn to adjust and understand people’s limitations and weaknesses. But before that, understand yours first...

And one more thing... Unbolt!

1-2-3-4 Words

1 word : “Sorry.”
2 words: “Thank you.”
3 words: “I love you.”
4 words: “I care for you.”


Sounds cheesy and mushy, right?

Easier thought than said... and easier said than done (or perhaps, lived is a better term).

Don’t take them for granted! Many relationships ended and didn’t last because these words were forgotten.

Take courage ... because saying them... – and here’s the key word – SINCERELY, is a sure way to deepen bonds of love and friendship.

Try it...

For Better or For Better

“When everybody is doing right the first time, the inevitable happens: nobody complains about anything or anyone anymore... expressing satisfaction with their silence. Everybody is then lulled to complacency and begins to be content with the status quo, the way things are and will be. Nobody wants to rock the boat or make waves. The time is then ripe for the next stage ... kaizen.”

“Kaizen is the process of non-stop improvement of everything we do. It is a Japanese term consisting of two characters: kai meaning change and zen meaning good, thus together meaning improvement. The kaizen battle cry is ‘there is always a better way’. With kaizen everybody keeps finding better and much better ways...If something is done right, there must be a way of doing it better... It begins when we improve the right thing and make it better and better... It is a process that starts but never stops.”

These may be small baby steps but always towards the upward direction. The idea is not to remain in a standstill... this will not be forever. At some point, either one goes uphill or downhill.

In our dealings with our loved ones, think -- There’s always a better way to love them. Keep trying...


Ref. Quality Means Survival (Rene Domingo)

Listening and Speaking

“Listening and speaking are the foundations of communication.”

Sharing ideas, feelings, and resources are all achieved via communication. No relationship is ever formed and sustained without communication. When it breaks down, misunderstandings and disagreements could immediately follow.

When listening, take note of bias. It could be a problem “when it seriously distorts an individual’s understanding.” Some bias indicators: extreme negative or positive reaction to people or events, paying little or no attention to undesired parts of a conversation, assuming one has understood what is being said even before the speaker ends his piece.

All senses have to be used simultaneously when listening. If there are ambiguous gestures, it would be good to ask before interpreting visual signals... thus, avoiding misunderstanding.

Understanding is also improved by paying attention to the sound and tone of a speaker’s voice. At times, there could be hidden messages that could be captured with careful listening – that is, when a speaker’s tone of voice does not match the actual spoken message, the listener could ask for a clarification which, however, requires tact but contributes to improved understanding.

Speaking. From the littlest social exchange to the most challenging business communication, speaking requires a well-ordered and logical presentation of thoughts. One technique is headlining – stating the point so listeners don’t end up asking “What’s your point?”

Another is pacing – the ability to stop talking and encourage listeners to comment to foster exchange. Some speakers tend to think that their turn is finished only when they have expressed all their ideas... quite exhausting for the listener.

Summarizing is another tool, albeit not always necessary for daily conversation. It helps ensure mutual understanding – that the things discussed are understood in the same sense by both parties.

Good luck! Hopefully, we could all be better listeners and speakers.


Ref. Successful Leadership (Carol O’Connor)

Sensitivity and Sensibility

“They talk animatedly for a long time without realizing they are becoming unbearable or that the other person is in a hurry and has been signalling – for the last ten minutes - to end the conversation or showing discreet signs that he is not interested in the topic...

Or they can say words they deem friendly, cordial and constructive... they don’t realize that due to the situation of the moment, they only manage to hurt the other person...

Or they interrupt the conversation, change the topic indiscriminately, make inopportune jokes or reveal confidences that disconcert others...

They desire to lift a person’s spirit through consoling, but what they say and how they say it produce the opposite effect...

They talk in an imperious or domineering tone to show that they are being determined and energetic persons. They don’t realize that every time they act in this way, they only alienate the others more.”

... Not out of ill will but probably due to lack of sensitivity to the feelings of others.

Affective messages to and from others are most often expressed not in a verbal way... but in non-verbal ways – say, gestures, facial expression, hand motions, tone of voice, posture, or even silence.

Hence, one has to develop the capacity to catch these messages before the fact and not after... Read between the lines...

When a person realizes that he/she usually recognizes the messages after the fact, the bottom line is ... Develop More Empathy. For this, one needs to use all her senses.

“The more we are capable to catch non-verbal messages, the more sociable we become. We will have facility for friendship" and love and concern for others.

Sensitivity to others’ feelings “is fundamental for a stable marriage, for educating children, for working in a team, for exercising authority, for having friends... in the end, for almost everything.”

Here’s the good news -- We can always learn and improve. We can be better.

(Note: This topic does not apply to rash judgment which is a totally different matter.)


Ref. Educating Emotions (Alfonso Aguilo)

Failing Forward

This is the title of a book written by John Maxwell – a very insightful book (I give it 5 stars). One part of the book is entitled “When Failure Gets You by the Heart.”

An easy trap – to personalize failure, that is, to simply think and accept that committing a failure makes you a failure. These are two distinct concepts. Understandably, failure can be very painful. Sometimes, it could drain you physically and emotionally. But still, it doesn’t make YOU a failure.

Fail Forward!

Small is Big

“LOVE, like rain, can nourish from above, drenching couples with a soaking joy. But sometimes, under the angry heat of life, love dries on the surface and must nourish from below, tending to its roots, keeping itself alive.” (Mitch Albom, The Five People You Meet in Heaven)

Don’t get lost in the hustle and bustle of life. Sometimes, we’re too busy with our own stuff – most are actually very licit and good but they take up our entire energy... leaving nothing (or very little) for those who should matter the most.

With the passage of time (for some, it’s all about climbing the corporate ladder) ... we could simply be aiming for big things, forgetting the value of the little ones.

But small details show how much we truly love ... it's how affection is warmly felt. Give it attention ... because our loved ones do. It’s one sure way to keep love burning. The moment we start missing out on these little details, very soon love starts to be cold. And before we know it, even the embers have disappeared.

As the Hershey’s ad goes, “big things come in small packages.”

Needless to Forgive

“That friend of ours with no false humility used to say: ‘I haven’t needed to forgive, because the Lord has taught me how to love’... To forgive with one’s whole heart and with no trace of grudge will always be a wonderfully fruitful disposition to have.”(Furrow, Josemaria Escriva)

Learn to forgive... it will save you a lot of aches and pains. It will allow you to sleep tightly at night. Peace is the consequence of forgiveness.

Forgive yourself, forgive others. Sounds easier than done. But, it's the most logical option.

Why keep a grudge? Why let yourself and others suffer? Why be obsessed at something that cannot be undone? Past is past. You cannot bring it back ... you can only learn from it.

Move on... This is the best path to take ... it will bring you happiness. The other path will only make you sad and miserable. You don’t want that – do you? Of course not, nobody wants to be sad.

Above all, learn to love ... this way, you don’t need to forgive ... because love will fill your heart, giving it no space for even the slightest grudge.

"Specifics" Listing

A friend of mine posed this question to me: What does LOVE bring with it? Simply put, “What does LOVE entail?”

So I thought: I should break it down to SPECIFICS; otherwise, it’s a ”floating love” – simply an idea, not seen in deeds and kept to oneself ...

Here goes my list:

1. Caring
2. Serving
3. Teaching
4. Forgetting oneself
5. Lifting spirits
6. Accompanying
7. Helping to grow
8. Communicating
9. Listening
10. Trusting
11. Sharing
12. Being refined
13. Being supportive
14. Understanding defects
15. Forgoing preferences
16. Not being possessive
17. Correcting
18. Praying
19. Showing the way
20. Thinking
21. Knowing
22. Enkindling
23. Being humble
24. Not abandoning
25. Not dictating
26. Being there in trials
27. Showing affection
28. Sacrificing
29. Enjoying
30. Persevering

Whew! What a list!

Don't worry... very soon, with time and practice, it will all be part of you.

You might even add more to the list ...

Opposite Ends

Everything that has got do with being human has to harmonize --- the will, the intellect and ... the affections.

Affections or emotions have to concur with what the “right judgment of the intellect and the goodness of the act of the will.”

Otherwise, one finds himself/herself in a polarized scenario. On one end of the pole is sentimentalism and on the other, indifference. Both aren’t good.

Sentimentalism is when one gives a lot of weight on the emotions. Feelings become the criterion of the intellect and the prime mover of the will. Feelings tend to dictate and define the character of the person. One thinks and acts depending on how he/she feels. Mood swings are to be expected.

On the other hand, indifference pertains to the suppression of the emotions. One is ashamed to acknowledge the presence of emotions. Love then becomes dry and insipid... the person becomes a cold-blooded creature.

“Emotional balance and maturity” or what others may call emotional sobriety is needed for love to be true and stable.

So, stay in the middle, please.


Ref. Loving “with all your heart” by Jose Maria Yangua

From Ordinary to Extraordinary

In a bookmark I saw recently is written, “Love makes even the most ordinary moments blossom into extraordinary.”

Here’s my take on the topic... Live each day as if it were the last. That is, cherish each moment to show affection, to care, to accompany, to assist, to guide, to correct ... in short, to give yourself. Each moment then becomes extraordinary.

A Function of Maturity

One’s ability to love depends on one’s level of maturity.

For the immature person, love is also immature. It focuses on what I could GET or LOSE. Here are some characteristics:

a. Jealousy – fear of losing someone whom we value or meets our needs;
b. Envy – the desire to gain what others give in order to be happy;
c. Anger – the frustration or inner turmoil arising from one’s inability to control people and circumstances thus blocking what will make one happy;
d. Loneliness – the dependence on others to be happy;
e. Fear – when one imagines that needs and goals will not be met.

On the other hand, a HIGH LEVEL OF MATURITY makes one reach full potential of loving and living. It is based on the desire for others to gain – a selfless love so crucial for relationships to last.

This selfless love involves a lot of listening and perceiving which is only possible if one forgets herself.

Important Note: Doing things for others in our own way is a selfish and immature form of love.


Reference: If Only He Knew by Gary Smalley.

Not From My Viewpoint

I gathered from the book "If Only He Knew" that there are 3 types of love:

1. Companionship - "I like you" feelings which stimulates the 5 senses and which doesn't withstand the pressure of time since persons change year after year; all about enjoying attractive features in another

2. Passion - works harder on the emotions and stimulates body and mind

3. Genuine Love - "I see a need in you. Let me have the privilege of meeting it." It's identifying and addressing the needs of another from their point of view. It involves “asking what the other needs, how much he/she needs and when he/she needs them.” It gives to others instead of taking for itself and motivates us to help others reach their full potential in life. It has no qualifications and does not seek to gain but only to give.

So, obviously, go for the third!

Everlasting Love

Feeling unloved? Not given attention?

Spare a few seconds to read these lines...

“O man, says the Lord, behold I WAS THE FIRST TO LOVE THEE. Thou wast not yet in the world, nay, the world itself was not, and I ALREADY LOVED THEE. As long as I am God, I LOVE THEE; as long as I have loved myself, I HAVE ALSO LOVED THEE.” (Alphonsus de Ligouri)

Read these lines over and over again...

It will save you from a lot of complications... and get you out of whatever crisis you may have, no matter how big it may be.